jennanddave.com

Way back in 1999 I noticed I couldn't hear as well out of my right ear as I could from my left. I figured this out because at night I would sleep on my left ear because the right one very nicely blocked out annoying background noise. It was enough of a loss for me to be conscious of it at night, but not enough that it affected my daily life. I never mentioned it to my doctor because I never thought about it.

It's been getting progressively worse, so I finally brought it up at my annual exam last June. My Dr. gave me a recommendation to meet with an ear specialist at Local Huge Hospital That Has Inadequate Parking. We'll call it LHHTHIP for short. They gave me a hearing test, said "Yep you do have a loss of hearing in your right ear, you need to meet with an actual doctor. We'll call you." I got a call later that day from a receptionist who said the next available appointment was in September. I couldn't do that because we were going to be in Massachusetts, so I suggested January. She told me they couldn't schedule anything that far in advance because the January calendar wasn't up yet for them to see. I was told I'd either get a reminder from them later in the Fall to call and schedule the appointment, or they'd call me. Imagine my surprise when last week I answered our phone and it was a receptionist calling to remind me of the appointment I had scheduled for Jan. 8th at 10AM. Apparently it was scheduled for me sometime back in June. Go figure.

This morning I went for my appointment. I was brought into an examination room, waited around for a long time, had my right ear partially cleaned, was moved to a different room, waited around for a long time, had both ears fully cleaned, was brought back to the original exam room, waited around a long time, talked with the Dr. for two minutes, was brought to another waiting room where I waited yet again, had another hearing test, was brought back to another exam room, waited, then was told I still had a minor hearing loss in the right ear, but that my hearing was now well within the normal range. However, because I hear perfectly on the left side, they want me to have an MRI so they can make sure there's not a tumor on the right. Lovely. The doctor exited the room post haste after telling me all of this, leaving me with the resident who'd done all the actual labor of cleaning my ears, plus the intern who had tagged along for the ride. I turned to the resident and said "Ummm, yeah, so an MRI. Let's talk about that. I shall die a thousand deaths before I ever subject myself to that living hell." No, actually, what I said was "Fine, how about an open MRI." He told me that it was definitely an option, although closed MRI gives them a better picture, but, really, either way was fine. He also said that since it's been a gradual hearing loss since 1999 it probably isn't a tumor, which, despite also thinking along those lines, was nice to hear anyway. Literally! So I'm having an open MRI done because one thing I am not is a glutton for punishment. And I'm having it done tomorrow. After which I'm going to eat a big bowl of ice cream with walnuts and hot fudge and whipped cream. And maybe even a cherry on top because I'm going to deserve it.

*Line from Kindergarten Cop. Must be said in Arnold Schwarzenegger-ish accent for full effect.