jennanddave.com

First the back story:

I failed my glucose test while pregnant with Henry with a score of 165. The cut-off is 140. No one told me, no follow-up testing was scheduled.

While I was busy giving birth to Henry, it became clear that he was just not interested in coming out. Two things didn't help this situation: 1. My kid had He-man-sized shoulders; and 2. I was rendered immobile on my back in bed because I was hopped up on pitocin (which resulted in excruciating back labor) and an epidural (to help with the aforementioned pain) so I couldn't change positions to allow gravity and my body to help make my pushes more productive. Dave and I both made it very clear that I did not want to have an episiotomy, to which the mid-wife looked at us like we were crazy and said "Well, I'll try not to, but we might have to anyway." So she performed an episiotomy, I had fourth degree tearing, lost a ton of blood, but had a healthy happy baby. I was also a little annoyed that our request was met with the reaction that it was, as if it was perfectly unreasonable.

Six weeks after all 9+ pounds of Henry was born, I had my post-natal checkup, not with the mid-wife that was present at my birth, but with another one whom I really liked. She expressed astonishment at Henry's size, congratulated me on having survived it, said if they had known he was so big they probably would have suggested a c-section, but since I had proven that I could give birth to such a big baby, they wouldn't really have to worry my being able to deliver naturally if I ever got pregnant again. That rubbed me the wrong way, because I shouldn't have to prove anything. I'm a woman. Giving birth is part of what we do.

The first few appointments with this pregnancy were great. I met with a mid-wife who was very positive. She saw my history of tearing, saw Henry's weight, and reassured me that there was no way I would tear as much this time, that it would most likely be an easier birth. I'm a firm believer in anything can happen, but it was nice to hear her say those things to me at multiple appointments. The last appointment I had I met with a doctor. He read in my history the bit about the fourth degree tears, closed my file and said "Right out of the gate we offer women who've had tearing like you had a c-section. Now let me tell you what that entails..." I stopped him and said I wasn't at all interested. Then he went on to talk about all of the complications associated with tearing, while in my mind I was thinking of all of the complications associated with surgery. There was no winning me over with that argument. He said we'd revisit the option a couple of weeks before my due date. I wasn't happy to hear this response. My answer will be the same at 38 weeks.

This afternoon I got a phone call from the receptionist at my ob-gyn's office saying she was calling to schedule my 3-hour glucose test. I said "What? Does this mean I failed this mornings test?" No one called to talk to me about it, no one called to explain what happens and what it could mean. I told her I wasn't interested in taking the 3-hour test and she said one of the mid-wives asked her to set it up. I said that was fine, that I'd like to talk with the mid-wife. So a few minutes later I got a phone call and after hearing my number (169, similar to when I was pregnant with Henry) I explained to her that I didn't want to take the three hour test because the number was basically the same as when I was pregnant with Henry, that pregnancy went fine, and on top of that, I have no risk factors associated with developing gestational diabetes. Then I got to hear about their policy about diabetes testing, that if I didn't do the three-hour test then I'd have to do regular blood sugar testing throughout the rest of my pregnancy plus a couple of extra ultra-sounds. I clarified with her that those were my only two options, at which point she got pretty pissy. I then found myself in the position of validating for her the fact that I understand they're trying to provide good health care, just to save the tone of the conversation. So, right now I'm a very pissed off pregnant lady who's having to take a three-hour gestational diabetes test next Thursday.

Here are the things that worry me:

1. Numbers that indicate pass/fail have become the be all and end all without any regard for actual risk factor's or the person's medical history.

2. I don't like being put in the position of having to deal with a medical professional who's getting openly defensive when I ask if a test is really necessary, especially if I have good reason to think it's not. Talk to me about it, don't get crabby.

3. The biggest worry I now have is that I no longer trust that once I walk into the hospital that I'm not going to get bullied into a c-section. They didn't listen to me about the episiotomy, and now that I've got a doctor who's going to revisit the c-section option at 38 weeks, I feel like there's already a predisposition I'm not going to be able to fight. Wait until they hear I don't even want a bag of pitocin to so much as swing in my direction when I get to the maternity ward. That ought to make people's heads explode. I don't mind advocating for myself; I don't like when advocating starts to feel like arguing and defending.

I told Dave that the tone of this afternoon's conversation with the mid-wife has made my anxiety level for August reach a fever pitch, that I now have this vision of getting up in the middle of labor and just walking out of the hospital because my faith that they're going to do the right thing as opposed to the convenient thing is completely shaken. Right now I'm wondering if the road we're currently traveling on to have this baby is the wrong one after all.